Muthoka Declares Candidature, Vows To Buy Voters Like Damaged Eggs

Hon Manoti

It's not a rumour any more. The infamous former Chief Officer for health 'Dr' Richard Muthoka is going for Kitui East Parliamentary seat.

And he's doing it in style. For starters Muthoka is constructing a king's castle at his Nzambani home, complete with an helipad at the top. The mansion costing Ksh275 million also has underground bunkers, a mini bar, a state of the art massage parlour and other finer things befitting for a big man. 

For his own security, Muthoka has applied for a gun; preferably a Ceska pistol or Browning and one with a silencer. 

And if you know how to shoot without missing, then Muthoka knows how to fly without perching.

To tighten up his personal security as an incoming MP, Muthoka who suffers from high levels of paranoia (according to his associates) has also employed an energetic youthful man as his food tester.

Wherever he will go during the campaigns and even beyond, the young man with elephantic appetite will tag alongside Muthoka to test every of his meals.

Our moles inside his camp say that Muthoka will be rolling out a financial war chest never seen before for the parliamentary campaigns. 

Part of his strategies - according to insiders - is to buy off some of his competitors and weaken others by sponsoring 'fake' candidates in their localities to split votes.

Those targeted for total  buyout by Muthoka include Miltonic Kitute, whom the mbee nzei cartel describes as illiterate, broke and needy.  

Another on Muthoka's list marked for purchase is a colourless fella called Bruce Mutua, a pretender to the throne who is described as a hopeless drunkard, mostly spotted gallivanting from one bar to the other with a bevy of girls of questionable morals. And the list doesn't stop there. 

With his questionable wealth, acquired in under 4 years during which he oversaw massive looting of billions allocated to the health docket, Hon Manoti, as Muthoka is nicknamed, is leaving nothing to chance for his quest.

His strategists say that he has also vowed to launch a ruthless buying spree of voters in Kitui East to actualize his dreams. An upward of Ksh100 million is set aside for this endeavour. 

"The man is no joke. He has enough money to buy voters and competitors in a record time. It's a matter of time before we are sworn in" one of his goons, currently  masquerading as his chief security officer whispered to our desk. 

The 'security' man also whispered to our desk that their candidate has booked one of Ngilu's newly bought cattle lorries that will be packed with Muthoka's drunken goons to cause fear and terror in the constituency. 

During Muthoka's misadventure in the health docket, Kitui health facilities were reduced to skeletons with a disoriented workforce of unmotivated health workers. 

The reclusive Muthoka also connived to push a dozen of his juniors under the EACC radar for financial improprieties directly linked to him. 

"A number of us are being investigated by EACC for crimes committed by that man. But we have all decided to spill the beans and tell the investigators the truth" a senior nurse who is in charge of a health centre and who is among those questioned by EACC informed our desk.

On Muthoka's purchase list: Broke Kitute

 

On Muthoka's purchase list: runaway Casanova and drunkard Bruce