Kiema's Bid Evaporates As Villagers Fight, Curse Over His Meagre Food

 

Kiema Kilonzo, is he mean?

By Our guest writer

As you read this, scores of people are suffering from soft tissue injuries and near broken teeth after they were given a dog's beating and trampled on at the home of Ambassador Kiema Kilonzo during an eating bonanza gone wrong. 

Kiema is said to have invited a number of people across Kitui county to his Kavalula village home where he was supposed to announce his difficult decision of running for Kitui's governor's seat. 

All went well for the few hours of the event during which time Kiema, a one time Mutitu MP waxed lyrical about his impossible desire to serve the county as the governor.

But from vantage positions, there seemed to be anxiety of sorts as most of the village attendants conversed in low tones, some wondering loudly when they would be served food and facilitated to go back home. 

While mobilizing for the meeting, Kiema had sent in a word that there was plenty to eat and even carry home, in addition to four thousand shillings per every needy adult. 

With this in mind, many, especially in his constituency decided to pay Kiema a visit at his Kavalula home, one of the hunger ravaged hamlets this side of Sahara. So they came one,  two and more and before he could say Matoke, Kiema who is the outgoing ambassador to Uganda was staring eyeball to eyeball with about 200 hungry and thirsty villagers who had flocked in to feed and make merry other than listening to his stale talk. 

So when he took long talking, they grew angry, hungrier and hot in the belly. Some simply told Kiema they wanted food, and money. 

"Musimiwa niwaneena muno avai. Ndumanye tumie vaasa na twinasama kaindo, nengane mwanya twaathiswe," our mole who escaped with a scratch on his face quotes one of the emaciated goons telling their host.

Kiema seemed to ignore this warning but when he realized the crowd was getting agitated as hunger pangs tore them, he caved in. "Haaya basi, tuuthi tuume kaindo aume..." he announced. 

But what he did not tell the people is that there was not much for everyone. Indeed, according to our moles, Kiema had only slaughtered an emaciated billy goat known locally as kathenge ka kisenzi weighing only 6kg  and 12kgs of rice! 

 Killed kathenge ka kisenzi  weighing barely 6kg

So when he retreated to his house to eat with his VIP guests, the hungry crowd went direct for the boilers. A few women attempted to queue but marauding men edged them out and shoved head first into the sufurias. 

A massive pandemonium erupted as light kicks and blows flew. "Hey hey order order, chakula iko..." shouted a man in nylon black suit but was quickly rebuffed. 

"Hakuna kitu hapa wewe, hii ni chakula gani kwa mheshmiwa...hawezi kushibisha voters mia mbili" thundered an angry village fixer who had traveled from Makongo hills while giving the meal of Matumbo boilo and pilau njeri a cynical look. 

Food fight at Kiema's 

Then all hell broke loose. Some well-fed goons reached out for the sufurias and hoisted them up in an attempt to flee with the food. Another goon who seemed to have expertise in village combat knocked off his villagemate. He tumbled over with his sufuria, spilling all the contents on the ground. 

The hungry  people yelled, shoved, shouted, punched and kicked and rolled on ground in furious amargerdon.  

Amargerdon for matumbo boilo 

"Nuutembuia leso mwana" a cornered woman cried. "Toka hapa mama, hii ni chakula ya wenye nguvu" a village ruffian retorted. 

At the end of it all, nobody ate. All food poured on the ground as people jostled for the measly serving. Those who could not fight were seen hanging from Kiema's mango trees, where they consoled themselves with unripe mangoes. 

A few journalists who were enjoying their 'vip' food from a strategic position while enjoying the drama also found themselves in hot soup. 

Some goons identified two media girls and went for their plates. "Lete hiyo chakula hapa, nyinyi si ni watu wa Nairobi, mkakule huko" snarled another goon as the two female media ladies scampered for cover, almost losing their shoes. 

"Aki hii mambo ya huyu jamaa ni upuzi. He can't feed people, how now" lamented one of the media girls present. 

The goon from Makongo told our desk that he was in the company of 15 of his best compatriots from Inyuu, Damsa and Yikisaya and were shocked to find that the ambassador cannot feed a sizeable crowd. 

"Look at this bicep my man, this is pure food, musandi and musenze. Jamaa anapika kilo tatu ya rice hapa ya nini? Hii ni kutubeba wana" snarled the revered village wrestler, reeking of musenze wine. 

Even the women went home cursing their host. "Mwana kyema ndaasenzya, kuma ila wai muesimiwa. Kwake nduvuna, yu enda ungavana ekane ata naw'o" Kyende Mang'oka from Kaliku remarked. 

The party goers were even more bitter that Kiema did not even reimburse them their 'fare", despite some of them having walked for 20km to his disgraced eating jamboree.