Exposed: Why Ngilu Dumped Kakundi In The Sewer

Paranoid and  anti social Kakundi

Mbee nzei corruption kingpin Jacob Maundu Kakundi is a bitter man. The highly paranoid man has fallen out with Ngilu, the Queen of graft and her favourite cartels. As such, Kakundi is on his way out of mbee nzei.

Tuesday June 8, Ngilu uprooted Kakundi from the lucrative department of roads and housing and dumped him at the skeleton department of Education. 

While Ngilu's sworn slaves will tell you this is normal, we reveal to you why Kakundi, the bloke with pride the size of Makongo hills had to be trimmed to size. 

You see, over the last four years, Ngilu has used Kakundi to loot billions allocated to the roads department. Kakundi and Ngilu would assemble bogus contactors and award them lucrative tenders but the roadworks would come out shoddy and pathetic. 

An example is the repair works from Ginnery to Kalundu that was undertaken by Kanda, one of Ngilu's looting cartel.

While Kakundi executed this massive pilferage of county resources on behalf of the failed Ngilu, he also made a good fortune and started investing in real estate in backwater estates in Nairobi. With illicit money, his pride and arrogance grew to the size of Congo forest. But he also became highly  paranoid and started lurking in the dark like a night runner, afraid of imaginary enemies. 

"He used to walk around with puffed up balls like a well fed Python" says a colleague who is happy Kakundi has been kicked in the teeth. 

The anti social ogre at one time served a one week suspension from Ngilu's cabinet meetings, a clear warning that he was marked for dinner. 

Then out of blue, Ngilu personally cancelled lucrative road tenders Kakundi had awarded to his cronies and readvertised. 

The tenders were then awarded to a Ngilu cartel called Mutisya, who worked with a foreign scavenger from Western Kenya.

Mutisya operates phony companies such as Utomu contractors and Mujabacajo - to mint money for Ngilu. 

With money removed from his greedy mouth, Kakundi went on the offensive. He quickly assembled his village mates at Nzambani hotel to discuss Ngilu's conduct. Miltonic Kitute, a Ms Florence and a meatless, mouthy, small bodied woman also from the East attended the meeting. 

Here, Kakundi threatened to run for the governor's seat and teach Syokau, as he called her, a bitter lesson. 

"Kiveti kii kyo nikimbisi mbaitu? Nonitye kivila kii, twina mbesa yu, kana nata?" our tipster who also attended the meeting quotes Kakundi as saying. The clandestine meeting had the blessings of a greedy and corrupt,  sitting yet outgoing MP who was an extension of Tsavo Human Cargo. 

Well, his goose seems to be cooked. It's only a matter of time before he is tossed to the wind. Ngilu nde nduu!

Kakundi's replacement - you can't guess this - is a colourless man from Mwingi who recently was used by Ngilu to feed his villagers poison, occasioning massive diarrhoea in Mumoni.